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How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting


I’ve spent hours replaying how I could have reacted to a situation versus how I actually did react to a situation?


Could I have been more patient? Did I say the right thing? What did my child observe and learn from my behavior? Could I undo the last 30 mins?


Well, as Parents we often get down on ourselves and can’t help but regret our less-than-perfect performance when we lose our cool. Talking turns to yelling and you transform from being gentle into a giant.


So, What’s the most effective way to learn how to be a calm parent? Believe it or not, it starts with focusing more on yourself and less on your kids. You have the most control over yourself and your response to a given situation.


Here are some tips to help you become a patient parent :


Give yourself a break

Bob Marley wasn’t kidding when he said, “a hungry man is an angry man.” When we become very angry, we are not best placed to make rational decisions.

Breathe – Everyone needs time to ‘refuel’. If you’ve really lost your patience with your child and there is someone else to keep an eye on them, then go and cool off. Nourishing your body and mind before dealing with your child will instantly lighten your mood and help you to approach discipline in a more calm, constructive and creative way.

Try this: As soon as you hear your voice getting loud, pull back to a whisper; if you feel your heart racing, take some deep, slow breaths.

See the bigger picture

At the end of the day, we are dealing with kids and not adults. Remember children are supposed to be completely unreasonable sometimes. While that is not an excuse for all bad behavior, some things will take time, the earlier you accept and understand, the easier you’ll be to yourself and your child.

Don’t talk at them, talk with them.

Let every interaction with your child be about connection rather than lecturing or scolding. Practice listening rather than speaking, and be reflective rather than reactive when communicating with your child.This shift in attitude can dramatically change the way you interact with your kids when the going gets rough and the decibels increase.

Rehearse being more patient

Easier said than done  – but it can work like magic. In the heat of the moment, you can still snap, no matter what wise words you’ve read or you’ve learned from friend’s experience. But if you can rehearse typical triggers in your mind and envisage not losing your patience but remaining calm and in control, then you train the brain to automatically retain more self-control in these times.

Laugh – it’s the best reaction

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our kids, and that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy. Doesn’t always work, but it’s good to remind yourself of this now and then.


Since there’s no one-size-fits-all method of parenting, the key is to collect all the knowledge and advice you can, and then build on the parenting tactics that resonate with you in your specific situation and with your specific child, leaving the rest of it in your back pocket.You know your child better than anyone else; you are your own expert, so believe in yourself!”


Remember,  If your child spills something or has a messy room or breaks your family heirloom- you can do nothing to undo it! So –  Stop Yelling and Start Connecting!



What one word sums up your intention for how you want to be with your kids? Tell us in the comments below


By Capt. Praveen Roy, Principal Samsara School